8.17.2008

Human Frailty

I know a lot of what I share on here is happy decorating fluff - that's one of the reasons I love having a blog...it is a place I go when I need to drum up happy thoughts and escape from my troubles.

Sometimes, my troubles are impossible to escape.

Yesterday, the Knight's mom's best friend died. She had been struggling with cancer for over a year. She left behind a doting husband, a son and his precious daughter, and two daughters younger than me...one pregnant and the other newly married. She was this wonderful, creative, warm, effervescent person who made everyone she came into contact with feel welcomed and special. Our world has lost an incredible individual - in fact, I learned from the Knight's mom that she was still smiling and cracking jokes yesterday morning.

This past week, I have learned that my 14 year brother has juvenile diabetes and will have to take insulin shots for the rest of his life. Additionally, my grandfather, who I have posted about before, is doing much worse, and really, he could die any day.

In the past month, my best friend's mother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, and although we are trying to be positive, the prognosis is not good.

As morose as it sounds, the list doesn't end there. I won't drag on with a laundry list of others in my life who have recently died or have a serious illness, but I have to admit, when I think about all the loved ones in my life suffering with pain and/or facing death, I become unbearably sad.

Anyway, we all have troubling times, and I guess for me, this is one of them. I have told my judge that this Friday is my last, and am taking off the following week to make a pilgrimage of sorts. I am going to visit family and friends before I start at my new job. Although I am very excited to see some people whom I have not seen in a while, it saddens me to think one motivation for going is to see them possibly for the last time while they are alive.

I just want to apologize in advance if my posts the next couple of weeks seem to be a bit down or uninspired. I know that I will come out of this funk, and am trying to be thankful that my own life is chock full of blessings. I also recognize that in some ways knowing a person is dying is a gift - for that person and their loved ones. They can say goodbye, and attempt to do a few things that they possibly always wanted to do, but the timing wasn't right.

In that vein, I am trying to be more aware of my dreams and act on them sooner rather than later. I encourage you to the same. Maybe there is a certain person in your life who you are crazy about, but are afraid to admit it. Perhaps you are sick of your job, and have an amazing talent that so far has only been a hobby. Or maybe you have dreamed of visiting Italy, but never have had the time and/or the money. In my own life, there are certain people that I, for a long time, have truly resented - maybe even almost hated - and I am trying to let those resentments and baggage go. I guess that doesn't really fall into the dream category, but it is a regret of mine...I guess that's what dreams stem from - the hope of a better future, the desire to have no regrets, and the innocence of childhood.

I realize that our dreams are often only dreams for a reason ... they are hard to achieve either due to feelings, money, time, risk, etc. You probably can't hop on the plane for your dream trip tomorrow, but maybe you can forgo that latte tomorrow and start saving for Italian villas and lots of vintage wines.

On that note, I am off to go sew some aprons for the Cooper Young festival...another small
dream of mine that is actually coming true.

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5 comments:

Melissa said...

Oh my. I am so sorry to hear of all of this sad new. **sending good vibes*** I just found out yesterday that my mother's best friend died this weekend. She was only 50, but she had cancer for over ten years. It's scary to think that my parents are getting older. I don't think I could survive without them.

Don't apologize for your posts! It's wonderful that you can talk/write openly! And hopefully it will help you through any times that you may feel down.

I hope you do chase your dreams! I need a swift kick in the butt to do the same before it's too late. I want to read about all of your successes in your future blog posts!!!

Anonymous said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you, dear artsy fartsy-

Jess(ica) said...

I'm so sorry, my dear friend, that you are hurting. You and your family and friends are in my thoughts and prayers of course.

I know it seems strange, but I had a dream last night that I was moving, and no one would help me move except for you. Even my subconscious knows you are a good and selfless friend!

Anonymous said...

love you, E

JGR

Artsy Fartsy said...

Thanks everyone for your kind words. I love that I can share little pieces of me on here, and you guys encourage me so much!

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