Monkey Monkey Underpants

Questions that people ask which bring them to my website. All of them have a theme - GREEN
Because I am nice and want world peace, I have decided to answer them.

"What goes with green couches?"
Pretty much everything, but especially white and brown. And wine. Lots of wine.

"Women that are shopaholic how much do they spend?"
More than most men will make in two lifetimes. That is why we go to law school - so we can pay for our habit.

"WHO is Martha Stewart's boyfriend?"
This is by far the most popular query. I believe it is Charles Simonyi, a billionaire who created Excel. Why I have become the expert on her love life - I have no idea. Go Martha.

My New Year's Resolutions.
I don't really like making them, but I did make two this year.
1. no shopping for clothes for the entire semester (this one was later amended with an "unless it is absolutely necessary and/or an emergency.") So far, so good. Of course, I did just have a major shopping spree in Chicago a few weeks ago, so I have been content for a while. But Spring Break shopping will present new and fascinating challenges. (Also - technically speaking, purses, shoes, and other accessories are not clothes. Just making that clear here. But surprisingly, haven't bought any of those either.)

2. exercise or clean while watching TV - this one has been go okay too, so far. However, I find that my apartment has become miraculously cleaner this semester. Further proof that I will do anything, even scrub the tub and the grimey part around the toilet, to get out of working out.

Three other things on my mind lately:
1. roller skating tennis shoes - I really like them. Last week, I worked at Wal-Mart, doing the sample girl thing, and EVERY KID HAD THEM. The old fart/lawyer in me initially thought "those can't be good for your back and would certainly cause injury - hello, recall/lawsuit" but by the end of the day, I found myself wandering down the toy aisle and wondering if a boys size 10 would fit me.
Hello - how are you? Would you like to buy some body wash?

2. massage parlors next to tobacco stores and truck stops- why are they there? If these "parlors" are legitimate, which we must assume that they are, otherwise, one would think they would be CLOSED, why are they next to tobacco quick stops and trucker palaces? Call me stereotypical, but most men that I know who dip and drive trucks (all one of them) don't seem to be the "oh, i can't do lunch. I have to go to the spa and get a massage this afternoon. and then i need to pick up some skoal." It boggles the mind.

3. the annoying olive garden commercial. Every time this commercial comes on, my blood pressure rises and I have to quickly change the channel. it is by far the most annoying commercial known to man. "he's very handsome...and his shoes are probably untied." Oh, please - and then, when the hostess puts her hand on her heart/chest like that is the most sweetest thing she has ever heard? Well, folks - I just can't stand it. The urge to vomit doesn't even begin to explain how repulsing and annoying it is. Why is it still on TV? Surely other people feel the same way I do.

Okay, that's all for now.

Artsy Fartsy is feeling more like Artsy FARTY today.

1 comment:

joey said...

Personally, I hate those damn roller skating tennis shoes. The stupid little brats always run around cutting in front of you in the aisles.

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