3.29.2006

When bad things happen to forgetful people.....

Okay, so I admit that it wasn't the smartest thing to do. But I did it. I really had faith in the morals of people in East Tennessee. I was wrong.

Ya'll...my towels are gone. I know, I know - we can all say it together -- SAD.

It's mostly my fault, really. I live in a glorified stack of matchbook sized apartments in the middle of Knoxvegas. It is six floors and 2 levels of parking. Unfortunately, the laundry room is on the bottomest floor - 2P. That is the parking garage on the bottom, which also links to the main road where my apartment is located. I know, very important detail - right?

Right before I left for spring break, I had about 15 loads of laundry to do. So, I sorted everything very carefully (I am actually quite good at doing laundry - I love to sort), went to the bank and got some quarters, and then hauled everything down to the laundry room in the bottom of the apartment. After I had washed and dried all of the loads, I went downstairs to retrieve them. My load of colored towels was still a little damp, so I put more money in the machine to dry them, and went back upstairs with the rest of the laundry.

Tragically, I stopped there. I forgot to go back down and get the towels. By the time I finished folding clothes and packing, it was almost 2:30 in the a.m., and getting more laundry was the farthest thing from my mind. All I could think about was sleep, considering I had a very busy schedule the next day. Also, it probably wouldn't have been the safest time to go get laundry, considering the time of night and the amount of homeless people roaming around my apartment's general location.

When I woke up, I hurriedly got ready, threw my stuff in my car, and headed for my spring break revelry. Still no towels. Stupid me! Stupid me!

The most pathetic part is that I didn't even realize I had neglected to get my towels out of the dryer until Wednesday - almost 4 days later.

When I returned, I hoped (somewhat irrationally) that since it was spring break, most of my fellow dwellers would be out of town just like me - and they wouldn't take my towels.

Well, I was wrong. They were gone! All of my nice, fluffy (and not cheap) towels are now in someone else's apartment.

Being the proactive towel owner that I am, I made a nice little sign and put it up on the apartment bulletin board. Basically the sign said this:

*********************************************************************************
MISSING TOWELS!
I accidentally left a load of red and brown towels in the laundry room over Spring Break. Now they are gone. If you have them, will you please return them. You may anonymously give them to our apartment manager, or you can call me at 123-456-7890.

Please return them. They were wedding gifts and now I have NO towels!
**********************************************************************************

Not too mean. Right? I mean I could have sounded a lot madder and angrier and even been a tad bisnatchier. But I tried to elicit a nice return in a nice way.

Little did I know that my little sign would be soooooo controversial. Just a few hours after I had posted the sign, someone had written this below my sign:

"That's what you get, you big baby. That's what happens when you leave laundry unattended."

Naturally, I was a little pissed. THAT IS NOT WHAT HAPPENS! At least it shouldn't - it isn't like I had left the towels for a LONG time (whereas maybe someone could claim abandonment). Leaving towels in the laundry room doesn't entitle someone to steal them!

A little while later, I came down to see an additional note of hatred "Sorry, baby, next time be more carefuly (sic)."

Along with that, someone else had tagged "Yeah....RIGHT!"

Okay -- why is everyone ganging up on the towel girl? Its not like what I did was a federal crime or anything. I was forgetful, and hoped someone would be honest enough to return my towels. Is that so bad?

Another thought - why did my little sign arouse such impassioned responses? When someone posts a sign about a missing pet, no one writes "That's what you get, you negligent pet owner" or "Quit your whining, if you were a decent human being, you wouldn't even have pets in this building at all."

No. No one writes that. No one writes ANYTHING on those signs. In fact, I assume most people read the sign and either think "Hmmm, I'll keep my eyes open" or don't think anything at all. UNLESS OF COURSE, you are missing towels - and then everyone in the world hates you.

So, now, I am drying off with hand and dish towels, begrudging the thieves who stole my towels and all of the rude people in my apartment complex. Why do I have to have a 2 year lease?

Anyway, the moral of the story is...If you snooze, you lose. Literally.

3.27.2006

Back to Reality...

Well, I'm sad. No more beach. No more fun. No more spring break. Sad. sAd. saD.

Now, its back to the grind of law school. Only 5 weeks till exams start. I guess I better start reading for remedies, begin attempting to understand tax, and continue hunting for a con law outline that will help me pass. Yikes!

I had a GREAT time! My dear friends Daisy and Sully came with me, and we sucked every ounce of sun out of that lovely beach. To be sure -- we were troopers. It was a tad chilly (and by tad I mean low 60's with winds at 15-20 mph), but we stuck it out and got tan (and 10 lbs slimmer - see previous post). Here is a pic:

Okay - so not a great picture of our tans, but for some reason there just aren't very many pictures of the three of us! But seriously, why do I look so squinty? I look strangely high. Which I wasn't and never have been. But I imagine that if I ever did get high (which I never will), I would probably make this same face.

It was such a fun trip for several reasons. First, Laura's mom (the lovely supplier of the condo) is absolutely adorable. She was so fun, so laid back, and extremely generous. Thanks Lady Di!

Second, I ran into old friends and made some new friends. I saw three different friends from good ole' Bison U. One thing that I thought was odd was how hot everyone had become. Don't get me wrong, I ALWAYS thought my friends were beautiful and sparkly and good-looking in college, but I must say, a few have become, ahem, superior specimens of the male species. Plus I made some new friends - actually, they were UNDER DURESSke's friends first, but now I can claim them, too. If I ever have to move to Atlanta, I know I will have plenty of crazy boys to party with!

Third, Daisy, Sully, and I had some very good bonding time. Sometimes the stresses and drudges of law school can really get you down, and even affect your friendships from time to time. We really needed some fun time away from everything and everyone. I think we managed to do just that. I proffer up the following pics for your analysis...

Finally, I got to dance to my heart's content. Ya'll -- I love to dance. Maybe it stems from my rebellious nature as a teen (my parents wouldn't let me go to dances growing up), but nothing makes me happier when I'm in a club than a great DJ/band, a dance floor, and friends to play with (or to be grammatically correct - with which to play).


As I mentioned, its back to the grind (and I'm not talking about dancing anymore).

Friends, getting back to the grind is HARD. I am having serious issues - - for some reason, I have no problem reading the Shopaholic series on the beach, but put a Remedies or Tax Law book in front of me, and my mind. just. stops. working. Sigh.

You know how they say it takes 28 days of doing something to make it a habit? Well, I'm convinced that it takes 28 seconds to break one. Not that doing schoolwork was a particularly honed habit of mine, but at least before spring break, I could tell you that collateral damages weren't a coronary side effect, but rather something having to do with something law related. See? I can't even tell you anymore. It's madness.

I don't know if its the weather, the fact that summer is almost here, or that I have a nasty case of 2L laziness (who am I kidding, I never got over my 1L laziness). Regardless - I need you to keep me in your prayers, folks.

Right now, I might not be keeping up with the work, but at least I'm going to class. I've heard that absenteeism is the next symptom, and I'm starting to feel the twitching urge to relive my high school senior skip days, so I guess its coming.

If this keeps up, pretty soon I'll be speaking rationally, and "it depends" won't be my answer for everything. I might even be able to look at an ambulance or wet floors without thinking about the looming lawsuits. And my sense of humor must surely improve. I mean, how many jokes can you possibly make about strict liability? One. And that is one too many.

The more I think about it, maybe contracting law school-itis isn't as bad as it initially seems. However, I know that I must push through this troublesome time and do the best I can. Pretty soon exams will be here, and then I will be hunched in the library cursing myself b/c I can't succintly define the difference b/w the two privilege and immunities clauses in the Constitution (Or are there more? See - I'm screwed).

Oh well, enough of my droning. If only laying on the beach was a lucrative profession. . . sigh. Okay, here's one last picture of beautiful, wonderful, but sadly over spring break:

Deal or No Deal....

One of my friends from high school, Stephanie Storey, is going to be on Deal or No Deal tonight! She is a very pretty girl with brown hair (at least that's how she looked the last time I saw her).

Watch tonight!

NOTE: She won 69,000! She made a deal with the banker for 69K and sold her suitcase (which only contained $750!). Yay for Stephanie!

3.17.2006










SPRING BREAK!!!

Dear Readers - I am going on spring break tomorrow! I am so excited and really looking forward to some quality time with the beach. See, the beach and I have this understanding... a relationship, so to speak. We only see each other a couple of times a year, but when we do, I promise to spend all of my time with it, frolic & lay on top of it, wear skimpy clothes, and drink copious amounts of margaritas and wine.

Actually, I turn out to be a really fun date! (And the best part is, I still get to keep my husband.)

I am not going to post during SB, mainly because I won't have internet access. But don't worry, I'll return in a week, and I am sure that I will have LOTS to tell!


“The sea does not reward those who are too anxious, too greedy, or too impatient. One should lie empty, open, choiceless as a beach - waiting for a gift from the sea.”
Anne Morrow Lindbergh

#1 Rule of Summer to Live By...

As my friends and I prepare for spring break, several of us have gone to the tanning bed on the theory that "brown fat is better than white fat."

Examples: here is a group of lovely ladies who did not tan....



















And here is a group of ladies who did!














(See - at least 10 lbs lighter - just b/c they used Hawaiian Tropic and stayed in the sun!)

I think most readers would agree with me on this theory. There is a notable difference here! I personally think that tanned skin is the little black dress of the beach. You look better, slimmer, and properly dressed for the occasion.

Now, I know that some of you are thinking "I can't believe that she is advocating tanning -- that is soooo bad for her skin. It causes cancer. It makes you age faster. There are nondangerous alternatives, etc...."

Well, as you can see, I am already aware of the risks. I don't care. I do it in moderation (say - 2 weeks before spring break and possibly once during the summer), and I don't have any other vices (except possibly chewing 15 pieces of gum a day).

I only occasionally drink (mostly on the weekends), I have never done drugs, I'm not obsessed with anything (weight, sex, gambling, etc.), and I live a pretty healthy life. I even have 15 spf sunscreen in my moisturizer! And as for the nondangerous alternatives - I'm not so sure that they are. They smell bad and make you look orange. Is anything that makes you the color of citrus safe? I don't think so.

So, for all you judgers out there - you go on with your bad pale self. I might look like Magda when I'm 50, but at least I'm having fun now!

3.15.2006

Doberman's Disciples...

Today I met with one of absolute fave professors. I had him for trial practice last semester, and every one of us in that class ADORED him. He is a phenom attorney - the champagne of DUI attorneys. I dubbed him the Doberman for his smoothness and tenacity.

Here is a pic of him with me and my trial partners:


















Anyway, I wanted to share with you one of my favorite trial stories that he told us last semester.

He was representing a defendant who has been charged with some kind of assault (or maybe rape - can't remember). Anyway, the victim was testifying and disclosed that the defendant had made some vulgar comments to the her prior to the assault/rape. When the questioning attorney asked for the specific comments, the victim refused to say them aloud. Instead she wrote the statement (something along the lines of "I want to f*ck you") and then the attorney passed the slip of paper to the jury.

The jurors passed the paper, one by one, down the front row. During the course of the trial, one elderly juror on the front row had dozed off. He was still sleeping when the slip of paper came to him. In fact, he was sleeping so heavily that the attractive young woman passing the paper to him literally had to poke him with her finger to wake him up.

He awoke with a start, looked at the girl, read the paper, and glanced up at the judge.

The judge asked him, "Well, sir - what does the piece of paper say?"

The man winked at the pretty girl and replied, "Sorry your honor - this piece of paper was meant only for me."

3.14.2006

Closet Gymnasts of the World Unite!
When I was a little girl, I played softball. I had no real interest in softball, and because of that I would beg and plead to be put in the outfield.

This was due in part to the fact that very few balls ever came out to me. And that doing cartwheels infield got my hands very very dirty.

In the outfield, no one bothered my gymnastic pursuits. I could do cartwheels, roundoffs, handstands, and even the occasional back walkover to my little heart's content.

A few weeks ago, I realized that not much has changed.

For example:



Here I am at the bowling alley. I bowl occasionally, but for the most part I talk to people, dance, and as you can see here - continue my lifelong passion of gymnastics.

But, don't worry, my friends, I am not alone. Note here - yet another closet gymnast depicted in a tiny picture:



If only we had been friends in elementary school - we could have stood in the outfield together, planned our next gymnastic feat, and caused our coach much chagrin.

3.13.2006

Ring Hungry...

Daisy went to see a good friend of hers this past weekend. (let's call her Alvin - I'm mainly using this name in hopes that ads for chipmunks will pop on my page as a result of this post...) Alvin has a serious boyfriend. They have been dating for quite some time, and Alvin is ready to get engaged. We aren't so sure she's ready to get married (or at least make it past the wedding part), but she is definitely ready for the rock.

Throughout the course of their weeknd together, Daisy learned that Alvin and her man were having a few relationship problems, but that Alvin thought that getting married would fix everything.

Okay. Hold on. Stop right there. I'm just gonna tell ya - Alvin is WRONG.

Getting married to fix your relationship problems is like having sex with someone who has herpes to get rid of herpes. It just doesn't work (possibly the herpes part does, since I've never really studied effective treatment of herpes - however, something tells me sleeping with the herpes infected is not a solution).

In fact, once you get married, any problems you had or might have had or even thought just for a brief fleeting moment you might have had once in a grand blue moon totally and utterly get BIG when you get married.

So to continue this analogy/metaphor/thingie regarding incurable STDs - let's say that you have herpes. And you decided to have sex with a member of the herpes infected to cure it. What will actually happen (again not scientifically documented here, people) is that you will end up having not only herpes, but also gonorrhea, syphilis, warts, chlamydia, and get pregnant with quints.

Not a good thing. That is what happens with marriage.

Now, I am not some sort of downer on marriage. I love being married. I love my husband. In fact, this past weekend was yet another wonderful example of why we are great together. But ladies (and gents), marriage don't fix no thang. It amplifies and aggravates everything!

For example - when I first my hubby, Stu, his room was always extremely messy. Not really dirty, but there were always lots of clothes on the floor. I found his messiness to be endearing. It was, like, so cute, like, how he just left everything everywhere in his room. Like. Obviously, I was blinded by youth and love when I thought these things. I guess I just adored him to the point of god-like reverence and hoped his messiness was a sign of mortality (for those of you who know about our relationship, you know that the above sentence is false, but, really, there is no other explanation)

Part of the reason his messiness never bothered me is that I could flee! Flee from messiness! Flee from t-shirts having a relationship with the floor longer than we had been dating! Flee from the impossibility of never cleaning your room! I had a home of my own that I could run to if the messiness started to bother me!

Sometimes, I would try to be Ms. Nice Girlfriend and sneak over to his place while he was at work or something. I would make some sort of baked good and then CLEAN HIS ROOM! I know - sick, right? But again, remember - blinded by love.

Anyway, he would come home - be very pleased with my hard work, thank me, kiss me, perhaps do a few other things to me (hmmmm), and then throw his dirty clothes on the floor. Cute, right? No?

So now. Now, what do I think about his messiness? Well, when we first got married, it made me hot. And not in a sexy way honeymooner hot. Hot mad. Hopping mad. I am messy a little too, but I would ask myself, "Self, how hard is it to just hang up the towel instead of dropping it on the floor right beneath the hook?" Answer? "Apparently VERY HARD. Maybe even impossible. Quite possibly, the information is classified. I wouldn't know - its never happened."

One time I tried to arrange a meet and greet for the towel and the hook. That did not go over so well. I introduced Stu and Mr. Towel to Ms. Hook. Apparently, Mr. Towel wasn't wearing the proper fabric softener/cologne and Ms. Hook rejected him. Flat out. No chemistry. Nothing.

So...sad. Stu's messiness is here to stay. But, now instead of just getting mad at him for being messy, I just get mad at myself for marrying him. JUST KIDDING, ya'll.

Now, I just deal with it, search the internet for marital problems herpes cream, and (I'm about to reveal my true motivation for coming to law school) console myself with the fact that one day, I will have a maid. And then, Stu's messiness will be someone else's concern.

So the moral of the story is....if you are ring hungry, you will get numerable incurable STD's.

3.07.2006

Does anyone know who Martha Stewart's boyfriend is? While gettting ready for school today, she was on my TV with Fran Drescher. Martha alluded to somewhat seriously dating a younger man. If anyone knows who it is - please let me know as well!

3.06.2006

I'm in love with a stripper....

Okay - not really. But I am in love with flip flops! Which are also called thongs. Which strippers wear. So, really, its almost the same thing.

But this blog is not strippers, or butt floss, or flops. This blog is about nothing, really. Except maybe about how I got a speeding ticket yesterday. 70 in a 45 zone. But the thing is, I wasn't even intentionally speeding. I really thought the speed limit was 65 (which I know is still 5 mph more than than the speed limit I thought existed, but still that is less than 25 mph) I was so bummed. I have never had a speeding ticket before. It has always been a source of pride for me - 8 years and no tickets. But not anymore. Sad. I cried all the way home. And "all the way home" is long - especially when you are driving from Jacksboro.

So you might be wondering, why was I driving home from Jacksboro? Because I am a sample girl. At Wal-Mart

About 2 weeks ago, I started this new job as a sample girl (my title is really called Field Marketing Manager - but let's get real - I give samples at Wal-Mart).

As unglamorous as it is, I really enjoy it for the most part. I like talking to people and enjoy introducing them to a new product that might make their life easier/more enjoyable/ more hygienic/ etc.

The first week, I worked as an "AXE Angel." I must say - it was a huge boost for my self esteem. I got asked out by two high school boys, three college guys from Ohio, and I'm pretty sure that the store manager did not have to come check on me sixteen times (but he did; hmmmm....). I know its pretty lame that Wal-Mart patron attention cheered me up, but let's be honest - once you get married, the opposite sex just kind of stays away from you.

Maybe other married girls don't experience this, but after being married for a year and a half, I am starting to wonder if I am cute anymore. Getting hit on Wal-Mart may not confirm that I am cute, but it certainly helps!

Other thoughts while working at Wal-Mart - there are a lot of people in East Tennessee with blue skin; there are quite a few people with no teeth (who aren't quite at the denture age either); and everyone is SO NICE! Really - they are.

I mean, they don't have to talk to me. I'm just the sample girl - trying to get them to try shower gel, or lotion, or some other smelly creamy substance. And everyone is so friendly! And happy. And conversational.

My favorite encounters are with people who walk by with this hum-glum look on their face, only to break out into the nicest happiest (albeit toothless) smile after I say hi to them!

I really think that this job is giving me a new perspective on life. Its so easy to get caught up in your own little world, and when I am surrounded by people who have so many other problems, I realize how blessed and how selfish I am - I have met people who are recovering from cancer, people who cannot afford to purchase an inexpensive bottle of shower gel, people who are still spinning from a divorce, and so much more.

I also like the anonymity of the job. Within my social circle (friends/family/classmates), everyone knows that I am a law student, that I have been successful in most of my endeavors (like everyone in law school), and expect me to be successful in the future. Law students reading this blog know that when people find out we are in law school (or going to be lawyers), they either seem impressed or disgusted.

At Wal-Mart, no one knows this. I am just an unassuming little smiley girl with a product to sell. No one is intimidated by me, and in fact there are probably a lot of people that think they are better than me. Very few people seem impressed with my career as a sample girl. No one seems to be disgusted either.

I think a lot of these reactions to different professions are conditioned. In our society, we equate success with the image of money and power. I believe that is why so many Americans are drowning in debt - to achieve that image. Most of us, to some degree, do sincerely care what others think of us. I do, too. I don't want to be a failure - professionally, familially, or financially. However, sometimes its nice to hide from all the pressures....To take a break from all of the expectations, all the hoops I have yet to jump through. Sometimes its nice to just go hand out lotion at the local discount store.

3.03.2006

Ya'll - the Auction was a HUGE Success! Law Women (with the help of some very cute boys and very generous girls) raised almost $1,200! I believe the final total was $1,160.50. Suffice it to say, it was very entertaining. We are definitely doing this again next year! I'll post more later - but thanks to all who participated!

3.02.2006

RUMP AUCTION!

I am in an organization called Law Women at my law school. For those of you who don't know what that is, it is an organization in the law school for women. I know, the name is soooo deceiving.

So anyway, Law Women is trying to raise $1,000 for a women's suffrage memorial. The fundraising started last Wednesday. Our president came up with the great idea to have a "date auction" for the upcoming Mardi Gras Ball that we have every year. Since I'm in charge of the memorial fundraiser, by default I also became in charge of this.

We rounded up 11 of the most fun guys (single) that we could find, and the auction will go down tonight. I have to admit that I am a little nervous. We kind of planned this at the last minute, we've never had one of these before, and we really haven't had time to do a run-through. Nonetheless, our guys are super great and adorable, and we have publicized this event pretty well considering the amount of time we had to plan it.

In order to have a better feel for the guys, I had them fill out information sheets. Here are some of my favorite answers:

Hobbies: "cheating girl scouts out of free cookies"; "underwater synchronized penny stacking", answering the question "what are you thinking about", "guilt free/no strings attached sex", and "extreme walking".

Best Assets: "I never want to get married and have children," "I am not afraid to squish spiders", "my big. . . sense of humor", "I just passed my last STD test with a C-".

Describe Your Perfect Date: "We would talk about me, then we would get busy, and then we would part ways" and my personal favorite "forced small talk, uncomfortable slow dancing, and an awkward hug at the end of the night."

Reasons Why You Should Get Bid On At the Auction: "If I don't get bid on, I might go gay," "I'm quick, slick, and the ladies love my GI Joe kung-fu kick", "Because I'm easy", "I live my life like I play my harmonica. . . loosey goosey."

If you are reading this, and you are in my law school - come check the auction out at the Half Barrel at 9 p.m.. With answers like these, its bound to be a good time!

Also, if you want to look up info about the memorial, go here.

Mooo...

I have a friend who is kind of dating a guy whose family owns a pretty big dairy. We were talking about the extent of their intimate relations.

After learning that they had only kissed, I replied:

"You give the saying "why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free" a whole new meaning."

3.01.2006

My Con Law professor had this to say while talking about why he's never been to a strip club:

"I've never been to a strip club. They've never really appealed to me. It's like going to a restaurant where they bring out a fine steak, show it to you, and then take it back to the kitchen."

Wow. Yet another confirmation that men really do view women as pieces of meat.

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