My income tax professor, a former IRS man, was lecturing on the famous tax case, United States v. Harris.
I won't bore you with the details, but basically in this case, two beautiful twins had become the mistresses of some old rich guy. They received all kinds of money and jewelry from him in exchange for their, um, company. They don't claim any of it on their income tax filing, and get prosecuted for criminal tax fraud.
As an aside, he had this to say:
"Once, while using the bathroom at the law school, I looked down and noticed a Playboy on the floor. I flipped through it, and noticed an article about these two twins. In the article they were talking about how they like to receive cash, diamonds, furs, etc. from their elderly paramour."
"And do you know what I noticed? I mean, aside from their nice assets? I thought to myself "there is going to be a tax issue here." And you know what? I was right."
Two questions here: First, if you find a Playboy in a public men's room, would you pick it up and leaf through it? Aren't there certain things you just assume if you find a discarded nudey magazine on the floor of a public bathroom?
Second, what guy ponders the tax issues raised in a Playboy? A true tax man - that's who.
So says Artsy Fartsy at 22.2.06
Questions? Not so much. However, my fave blogging friend, utklawgirl, asked me:
When are you going to have a little baby of your own???
When? Try IF...See, I have 3 siblings. They are all younger than me. Before law, I was a professional babysitter - full-time nanny. I babysat all through college for numerous families with tons of wild little slobby beautiful brats. I have had experience with kids. And, well, I'm just not so sure they are for me.
People that know me know that I love being SuSy Homemaker - I love to cook and decorate and have parties. So, you would think that I would also want little ones to complete the whole "white picket fence/ so perfect it makes you sick" image...but...I just don't. And Stu doesn't either. Which is part of the reason we go so well together (Well that and our insatiable desire for Cheetos). Who knows, maybe one day we'll change our tune, but the way I see it right now - I have too much do to with him and with my life than to have kids come and just mess everything up! But good question friend! And for all you other readers out there (all like 2.567 of you) ask away - the question light is on and I am ready to answer!
On other things to write about - Nascar, GA, being a bowling genius.
First, NASCAR: i LoVe Tony Stewart. He is so controversial and hot. And he always is stirring up trouble. How could you not love him? Just to let ya'll know - Stu and I joined a fantasy NASCAR team last year. At first, I must admit, I was quite skeptical. My exerience with NASCAR before last year was limited to looking at the black t-shirts containing mysterious numbers, checkered flags, and people named Dale and Jeff at the local gas station - or seeing those same t-shirts on people who regularly associate the words "mullet" and "rat-tail" with "hairstyle." Suffice it to say, my opinion of NASCAR...not that high.
But now? Oh, now, it is a completely different story. I truly believe that NASCAR is the sport for non-sport watchers. Think about it - if you want to follow a football team - or even harder - play a fantasy football game - you have to know so much. There are all these teams, with different names and colors, and different players for each teams. And that's not even taking into consideration all of the plays and techniques and fouls and all other footballish related things you have to learn (like off-sides and punting and conversions and what in the world is a special team - do they ride the short-bus to practice?).
See, NASCAR- none of that! There is this oval track. And the racers go around it a lot of times. And they have all of their pertinent information loudly displayed on the outside of their cars - so its easy to see. There are, like, only 42 guys that race in the Nextel Cup - and they compete against each other each week. So after a while - you really get to know them. Sometimes, they have fights - just like a family. And - the names are cool - Travis Kvapil, Bobby Labonte - it just rollllls off the tongue. Kasey Kahne - that is the kind of name movie stars hope for!
Plus, a lot of the guys are HOT. In fact, sometimes that is how I decided my team for my fantasy game - based on looks alone. Jimmie Johnson, Jeff Gordon, Scott Wimmer, and Kasey Kahne - whoooo! Finally, I know this is bad, but the crashes are the best part. Its just so amazing how these cars can go 224 mph, then crash, and flip, and smoke, and possibly even burst into flames, and then....out of the smoke, the driver emerges looking all hot and Nascar-ly.
(P.S. - all of you Nascar fans may laugh at my small, pitiful amount of knowledge - but guess what? I am in first place in my fantasy team right now (I know, we've only had Daytona so far, but still, its true - I am first), and I placed second last year (I would have placed higher but Stu sabotoged my efforts right before the last race).)
Two words - Doctor McSteamy. Enough said.
On being a bowling genius: Last week I bowled a turkey in the 10th frame, thus winning a very close game for my team. I can't help but gleefully announce this - normally I bowl around a 72, so a turkey is a big deal. This past week, I didn't have any great moments of bowling geniusdom, but I did learn how to do the amputee dance move - so that's practically the same thing.
Okay - I have to go to class - but I posted. Yippppeeee! I finally posted!
So says Artsy Fartsy at 20.2.06
Okay guys... (not to sound like my former torts teacher or anything)
My friend, lawlover, has a new blog. And she has already had 3 comments! Ya'll - that is a lot! I am so very proud of her - you have to check her out. She is very deep. And hot. Men often die just to get her to look at them. Royal heirs, dump truck entreprenuers, and drag queens alike all melt in the presence of lawlover's beauty.
Anyway, she is a blogging prodigy. She suggested that I have an "open mic" night per se, and volunteer myself to answer any questions people want to ask me.
I don't know why people would do this, but Miss Doxie did it last week, so why not? Granted, Miss Doxie is way funnier than me, but who knows? Maybe I can aswer some of your burning questions!
And just b/c all of ya'll are so gorgeous and fabulous - here is a pic of my new baby niece. Her name is Madeline Claire, and well, she is just about the most cutest thing I have ever seen!
So says Artsy Fartsy at 18.2.06
So says Artsy Fartsy at 16.2.06
(this is mine - whatcha think?)
If you want to make your own, go here: http://www.snapshirts.com/index.php
My initial thoughts when I saw it? I need to expand my word power, at least I got both ends of the superlatives, and why do I like BOYS so much?
So says Artsy Fartsy at 16.2.06
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...
Do ya'll like that? I have discovered how to BOLD and to color my font! No more boring little font for me. Nope. Nope. Nope.
Okay, so I have been bad. I have not posted in a long time. But I am back! See - my backiness is evident by this post! And - I think it may have been worth the wait. Because, see, I had a funny weekend and a bowling victory last night. Plus - It's Valentine's Day. Lots of good reasons to write.
So, I will start off by telling ya'll about my weekend. Some of you may know that my hubby, we'll call him STU, in in air traffic control school. In another town. 2.5 hours away from me. Needless to say, he does not commute. Rather, he lives with his parents during this year and drives to school (would I have ever guessed that after 1.5 years of marriage I wouldn't be living with my husband and he would be living with his parents? No - but it sounds much worse than it really is).
Anyway, we takes turns driving to and from where the other lives, and this weekend I went to see him (plus his parents were out of town and we had the big 'ole house all to ourselves). So, we decided to celebrate V-Day this weekend.
We decided to go to this delightful little restaurant called the Foglight Foodhouse. Do not be deceived by that name - it is fabulous (and not easy on the pocketbook either). Anyway, it is this adorable little place where you can bring your own wine, look over the lake, and stuff yourself.
Mind you, this place is not exactly located on Main Street. You have to do some serious driving to get there, but it is worth it. Plus, if you take the scenic route, you can see all kinds of naturey things and feel very in touch with Mother Earth. So, we get all dressed up, hop in the Jeep and drive through the dark woods towards the Foglight.
Now, Stu has recently bought XM radio and he loves it. He was singing its praises all the way to dinner and showing me his handy dandy menu with all of the stations. "See babe - they have a NASCAR channel!"
You have to remember it is very dark in the dark woods, and the Jeep doesn't really give off a ton of dashboard light. So I am crouching by the CD player, trying to read the dang menu and I just gave up (why turning on the interior light never crossed my mind - I don't know). After hearing all about XM, carefully surveying the station menu, and trying to find a romantic jazz station to get the mood back on V-day and off XM radio - I blindly searched for a place to put the menu. Blindly is the operative word here. I couldn't see anything in the dashboard, and I was shoving this menu here, and there, and everywhere!
Guess what... I found a spot to put the menu! In the cd player. I mean - one second its between my fingers, and the next thing I know the CD player is smoothly sucking it away from me. I was frozen - I couldn't stop it - It just took it. Oh - Oh - Oh! I took the face plate thingie off to see if maybe a little corner had escaped the CD player's voracious appetite, but no, the menu was gone. I tried to eject, but the mean CD player refused to give it back - evidently he was hungry since XM had been getting all the action lately.
Not really a great way to start the date, ya think? Stu was very cool about the whole thing, and we still managed to have a good date, lots of scrumptious food and wine - but the CD player had the best dinner of all. Yum. Happy V-day!
I'll post more later about my bowling geniusness!
Until then... "I always say shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist."
- Tammy Faye Bakker
So says Artsy Fartsy at 14.2.06
On my way to being a LOYyER...
My cousin, Yosh, whose poetic skills include rhyming the letter b. with the word "be," has challenged me to a pronunciation duel. See, Yosh has joined the school of thought which thinks that just because something is spelled a certain way, it is pronounced in the way it is spelled. If we gave into subpar way of thinking, pnemonia, thought, and countless other words wouldn't be what they are today.
Now, I like to say that I am going to practice law, but I want to be a LOYyEr. I will use a saw on the wood, but I am going to read Tom SOYyer. So maybe some people pronounce them Lawyer and Sawyer, but my way is perfectly acceptable and makes me, well, me. And if that ain't enough for ya, go look it up in the dictionary - Webster's seems to agree . . . with both of us.
Yosh, while I tend to agree with you on other things, I just don't see eye to eye with you on how you pronounce words and really about the entire title of your blog - I mean is it really the place to be? You didn't seem to be singing its praises the last time I saw you - just wondering...
Cecil C. is the Place to Be
On a lighter note, ask your wifey if she agrees with me on this one:
I'm thinking balls are to men what purses are to women. It's just a little bag, but we feel naked in public without it.
So says Artsy Fartsy at 5.2.06
So - the law school Learned Hand Bowling Tournament is in fool, I mean full swing. 22 teams of law students rolling, guttering, striking, and drinking. Copious amounts. Of beer. For those of you who know me, you know that I don't like beer. I have tried for many years to get to like it (mainly b/c its much cheaplyler; see I can do cost-benefit analyses thingies). However, I just don't like it - nope, don't like it at all. Soooo, b/c of my aversion to beer and beer-related things, I got to watch some of my fellow bowlers get very, very involved in the game (perhaps partly due to the copious. amounts. of beer.). Granted, I mainly only saw my team, the team we were competing against, and the teams on either side of us - but, in list fashion, these are a few of my favorite things...
(after a girl bowls a strike) "You're so money, and you don't even know it!"
(when it is very intense boy's turn) "Alright guys, it's GO TIME"
(after a good bowler bowls in another teammates place b/c we couldn't find the teammate - other side's queen bee) "Um, so I need to go up there and just let them know to take off that score, right? (seriously, it's just bowling...let it gooooo)
Other funny things I saw that evening - a guy leaning so far over in his chair to watch his fellow teammate, that he actually fell out of the chair;
2 brand pairs of bowling shoes - purchased by fellow bowlers (i don't know why, i just thought it was funny...);
and people actually throwing their visors down in anger after a mediocre frame;
and myself spilling half of the contents of my diet coke in my bra b/c I was shamelessly staring at boys doing a bowling celebration dance (seriously, its bowling...).
As much as I found the actual evening entertaining, even more impressive were some of the teams' names. Law school kids are witty! Here are some of my faves:
No F in Strikes and my personal favorite...
Well, guys - that's all for now.
But remember, for all you Sex and The City fans:
"I like my money right where I can see it. . . hanging in my closet."
Ooh Carrie - you are a woman after my own heart!!!
So says Artsy Fartsy at 2.2.06