How to make an Artsy Fartsy Shopaholic (also, things you should know if you ever want to impersonate me):
- I like to brush my teeth in the shower. Sometimes I floss in there, too.
- I make my coffee (commuter size) with 1 teaspoon of fat free creamer and 4 packets of Sweet & Low.
- I drive with my seat insanely close to the steering wheel and gas pedal. Because of this, I have been accused of driving like an old woman, which I guess is appropriate considering I drive a Buick Le Sabre with burgundy velour interior.
- Most Hallmark commercials make me cry – especially the one where the teacher spends a really long time teaching this little boy how to read and then he gets her a thank-you card and… he READS IT TO HER! I know, I know…SNIFF.
- I adore all things monogrammed, stilettos, and polka dots.
- When I get nervous, I talk too much.
- Also, when I have nothing to say, I usually give a lame compliment like “I really like your shirt. It’s so pretty!” Then I laugh nervously. He Haw.
- I am commonly found guilty of giving TMI. (possible side effect of # 6?)
- My fingernails have three states: fabulous and manicured, un-even and scratchy, and mutilated with the clippers/ready to start growing all over again.
- I am a good girl. Therefore, I like bad boys.
- Sometimes, I deliberately wait a few weeks before using/wearing/displaying an item I recently bought, so that when I do use/wear/display the item and the Knight asks “Is that new?” I can say (with an almost clean conscience) “Nope, I’ve had this for ages!” (Note to the Knight: I don't know where that last sentence came from. THIS NEVER HAPPENS. Little 'ole me would never do such a thing.)
- When greeting friends, I often use the phrases “Heloooo, Hot Stuff” and “Hey Beautiful!” These phrases are fine, I suppose, though a tad too cheery for some people’s taste. But what do I care? I am a tad too cheery for some people’s taste.
- I have a bionic nose.
- I think manners are very important, but sometimes I put the napkin on the wrong side of the table just to see if the Knight’s mom will say anything.
- I am kind of shallow. I really want to be deep and interesting, but I personally think that the details of Kid Rock and Pamela Anderson’s recent nuptials are way more interesting than the pros and cons of natural law.
- If I could have it my way, all my vehicles and appliances would be hot pink with a glitter finish.
- I can never remember the words to any songs. Sometimes, I enjoy being at a karaoke bar just so I can learn what those songs I have been mumbling for years really mean. I adore songs like “Yellow Ledbetter” because nobody knows what he is saying... I’m not the only one!
- Scratch number 17. I just remembered – I do know all the words to “Damn it feels good to be a gangsta.” Why? Because, once on a road trip I made it my job to learn the lyrics. 4 ½ hours later… “Damn it feels good to be a gangsta…I mean one that you don't really know…Ridin' around town in a drop-top Benz…Hittin' switches in my black six-fo'…hmmm…hmmm…hmmm.” Okay, well maybe I don’t know all the words, but I know most of them.
- I'm pretty sure that I gain weight just by looking at food.
- If ordering a drink at a bar, I typically choose an appletini or a glass of Reisling. But really I have no signature drink…sometimes its lemon drop shots, other times diet coke and jack, and still other times I pick white zin. One thing I will NEVER choose unless I am dirt poor and have no other choice (like when I’m on the river and the choices are this drink and river water) is BEER. Yuck.
- I really want a motorcycle. With hot pink glitter finish.
- I used to be able to skateboard moderately well.
- If I am ever required to made dinner on the fly, this is what I make:
Baked Salmon with a Red Pepper/Dill Sauce
Strawberry/Feta Cheese/Candied Walnuts/Spinach Salad
French Bread from the bread machine - YUM.
Chardonnay, Pinot Noir, or Reisling
(this meal sounds fancy, but it is so effortless - if you want, I will post the recipe)
- If I could change one physical thing about me, I would get bigger boobs.
- I am kind of self-centered. Which explains why I just spent an entire evening making up a list of things about myself in case anyone ever wants to be me for Halloween or something. (What?? It could happen.)
- One more thing…I really am an artsy fartsy shopaholic!
P.S. Daisy reminded me of a couple more things. I can (and often do - okay, well, not often, but enough to merit mentioning it) drink an entire bottle of champagne by myself. With no hangover. Yet I can look at a margarita and get a splitting headache. She also tells me that I have the ability to write life-altering emails. I'm not sure if that ability is a good thing. Also, I have no problem showing Daisy my latest purchases...it is the Knight that I am scared of! :)(Artsy Fartsy Erikaboo in the flesh! Extra Shiny!! Extra Forehead!!)