5.21.2006

Yet another reason why I AM NOT cut out to be a housewife...

As many of you know, the Knight and I are living with his parents for the summer. This is not a bad thing, as I adore my in-laws (I really do, they aren't just reading this) and it keeps us from paying rent for two apartments this summer.

We are living with them because the Knight is finishing his air traffic control school stuff this summer. We have been living apart all year (me in law school, the Knight with the Knight's parents), so I got a summer clerkship in a town near his parents' home. So far, it has been fine living with his parents. We laugh together, cry together, dine together – we are extremely…together. In fact, I was even fortunate enough to experience watching both steamy sex scenes in the DH and GA finales…with Mr. and Mrs. Knight right next to me. AWKWARD!

Awkwardness aside, one huge benefit of living there is that the Knight and I have unlimited use of the washer and dryer. For those of you who have lived or currently live in an apartment, you understand what a cost-saver this is. During the year, I would typically spend $10 a week on laundry. Now it is free – so I have more money for things like shoes! And wine!

During exams, I desperately needed to wash clothes, but I knew there was an oasis of free laundry in just two short weeks – so I stayed the course and had about a month’s worth of laundry ready when I moved in.

This past Saturday, I decided to tackle Mt. Laundry. After creating 11 piles by sorting by color and level of delicateness (yes, we had that much laundry), I put the first load in – jeans, t-shirts, and underwear. No biggie, right?

WRONG! After I put the load in the dryer, I decided to take a little nap. When I woke up 2 hours later (okay, so my nap wasn’t so little), I came downstairs and the Knight’s cute little mom had this look on her face – kind of a “you poor thing/I’m so sorry/I’m also a little mad” face. She led me to the laundry room, and proceeded to show me that, while drying, the clothes got a little fresh with a feisty ink pen, the ink pen fought back, and now all of our clothes had big ink spots ALL over them.

Well, naturally I was upset – with myself and the Knight. Upset with myself because I checked all the pockets except for one pair of jeans – the pair the Knight was wearing right before I started the load. He had quickly taken them off, and I just threw them in without ever contemplating the damage that would follow. Upset with the Knight because -- how hard is it to take stuff out of your pockets? I mean, you know someone is going to wash your clothes, and you put stuff in your pockets, so why can’t you take the stuff out too?

So, an entire load of our clothes was ruined. Not exactly the end of the world, but definitely a bummer. Well my friends, unfortunately my very bad day quickly got much worse. After folding all of our spotted clothes, the Knight’s mom also discovered that the ink had coated the entire inside of the dryer. We threw a wet towel in there to see if the ink would transfer to the towel, and… it did. After trying a host of cleaners, we found that finger nail polish remover would take the ink right off.

So, next thing I know, I am halfway inside the dryer with a bottle of remover, a towel, and a flashlight. Yes – it was quite an awkward position, but it had to be done right? I was making pretty good progress getting everything clean, when I realized that I hadn’t touched the back wall of the dryer. It was covered as well.

I shift my squatting position; pour some more remover on the towel, and strain to reach the back. Its … just… too…deep. I…can…barely…reach…‘Ehnnnnn’ (reaching noise). I just couldn’t reach, so I repositioned and tried again. This time I put my weight on the door of the dryer for a moment, leaned in, and… CRACK!

That’s right – not only did I coat the entire inside of my mother-in-law’s dryer, but I also broke the dryer door. Now you have to pick up the door and shove it in the doorway to close it. After that ordeal, I just lost it. Not even Candy Corn could make me feel better. I felt so bad and so embarrassed – I am naturally a very clumsy person anyway, plus half the time I feel like a big oaf in their house (they are both petite people), and now I’ve gone and broken their dryer. What’s a girl to do?

The Knight’s parents were very gracious and I think they felt a little sorry for me. The Knight’s mom tried to tell me that the door has broken before and she has washed clothes and pens together, but I just don’t believe her. She is perfect, ya’ll. Very prim and proper and dainty and pretty much everything I’m not. I’m loud and boisterous and break people’s dryers.

So, I guess that this weekend has taught me two lessons. First, I need to go on a diet. I bet Nicole Ritchie would have never broken the dryer, even if she sat on the door and did a cartwheel.

Second, I am not cut out to be a housewife. I have no business doing anything domestic. I’m probably not cut out to be a lawyer either, but probably the only laundering I’ll ever have to do involves money… no Downy needed.

1 comment:

J. Roberts said...

too funny. way too funny.

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