Secret Lovers #6 & #7 -- Also, thoughts on my chin.

As for the secret lovers for today, let's face it...everyone fantasizes about twins from time to time. How nice would it be for there to be not one, but two people to attend to your every demand for pleasure? Today's secret lovers are just that - 2 websites that attend to every guilty pleasure. Twin # 1 lets you ogle shamelessly and keeps you updated on every oh-so-important event going on in celeb lives. This site promises lots of juicy gossip and tons of hot pictures for people of all sexual persuasions (even us straight girls like to see a hot guy sans shirt from time to time).

But wait - don't ignore Twin # 2. Nobody likes a neglectful bed buddy, right? Twin # 2 is just as fun as # 1, but a smidge nastier. Maybe she's bitter, maybe she's jaded - regardless, she is caustic and funny. # 2 will satisfy that urge you mask when you bite your tongue and think to yourself, "What is she wearing?" # 2 is thinking the same thing, but she'll do ya one better - she'll post it on the innernet for all of the world to see.

A word to the wise. . . as often happens with a set of twins who together will hop in the sack with you, these sites are complete whores. There are a ton of ads and some are really distracting. However, if you can get past all their "baggage", these sites promise an afternoon filled with randy romps, baby.


As for me, I have been MIA for the past 2 days. Mainly, my absence has been due to my 25th birthday. Lately, my world has been filled with much debauchery and decadence, and I am still recovering. Needless to say (but I'm gonna say it anyway), on Cinco de Mayo, I consumed massive quantities of margaritas with most of my law school friends, and much to my husband's chagrin, I shamelessly flirted with virtually every undergrad boy I came into contact with.

While I didn't remember most of these encounters, there was plenty of proof of my antics on Daisy's camera the next morning. On Saturday, (my real birthday) Stu and I had a 'me' day - we had a picnic in the park, went shopping for new clothes, and had dinner with good friends. The best part of the day was an ice cream cake from Marble Slab late that evening.

Friends, I am fat as a pig and a year older. Why do I punish myself? Because, I am effing 25, that's why.

One thing that I notice as I age is that my chin is getting progressively bigger and bigger (among other areas on my body). Kind of like Bill Clinton's nose. When I was little, I was often teased about my chin. Charming and clever schoolmates of mine would laugh, point and say "Oooh look - she has a witch chin!" and other polite comments like that.

I guess I have what you say could be characterized as a "strong" chin. While I didn't enjoy being teased, that was pretty much the only thing I got teased about on a regular basis (well that and the time I peed my pants in the 1st grade). I didn't like my chin, but I knew that it was fine, it served whatever purpose a chin serves, and I had no business begging my parents for plastic surgery when I was 10 years old.

But now? Now, I might have to reconsider "freshening up." I was looking at pictures of me that other friends has posted on the Facebook, and I found myself wondering why they didn't tag me...and my chin. As two separate entities. Because I think we are at that point now -- me and the chin. Me & Chinny. BFF's.

Here are examples of some serious chinnage (as you can see, I have highlighted key areas of 'pointy-ness'):

Don't you think my chin is getting huge? I mean one second a stranger might see me and think "that is a cute little gir...Oh my God, I can't even see her anymore because her massive pointy chin is poking my eye out! Auggggh!" (Stranger blindly runs away).

The only good thing about my chin is that it can be used as a deadly weapon. If I am ever attacked, and my mace/keys in hand/elbow in face do not work, my chin is the next weapon. When my little brother and I would wrestle and fight as siblings often do, I would always win. Was it because of my physical strength? No. The sheer weight of my permed hairsprayed hair? No. Chinny's uncanny ability to find weakness? Yes.

The real fights began when my little big bro learned that he, too, possessed a Chinny. Upon his discovery, the dirtiest of fights began and didn't end until I finally moved away to college (well college and my discovery that he is a full foot taller than me (he is now 6 foot 6 inches)).

See, Chinny is a fatal woundbringer if put in contact with the fleshy area between the neck and arm (shoulder?). I believe this area is referred to as the "traps." One calculated jab of the powerfully "strong" Chinny and the poor victim crumples to the ground, moaning and wondering what in the world he has done to deserve such torture.

While this signature move was once reserved for my little brother, I have now allowed Stu to be privy to this move as well. He is not a fan.

I often use this move to a) get "just a little bite" of whatever Stu's eating, b) make him stop tickling me, c) let him know "no honey, not tonight," and d) (my personal favorite) demanding him to "take out the trash -- NOW." As you can see, Chinny is quite persuasive.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, that maybe I don't hate my chin so much after all. While I do wish that I possessed Inspector Gadget-like capabilities so that I could retract its length and pointy-ness, Chinny is quite useful at other times.

One more thing... if you see me coming, and you have some candy corn or Cheetos on you, you better give 'em up quick, or else I'll sic Chinny on you.

Like I said before, Chinny is VERY persuasive.

1 comment:

Anastasia said...

Au contraire, mon frere. Zee chin is not getting bigger. You are obviously just losing weight in your face which is causing greater definition in the chin line. Now, doesn't that sound better? ;-)

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